I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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