What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize