Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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