I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize