I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
i believe in u and ur pee
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