i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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