btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
