thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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