Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
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