I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
