were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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