Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
