my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
And then he peed in my hair
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