Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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