Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
