And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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