Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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