if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
