is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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