i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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