she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
