can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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