im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
