You just made me feel so damn special
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
