How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
