Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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