elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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