Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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