You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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