There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
