I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
i think i just lost a toe
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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