So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize