at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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