Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
