I can tuck mytits in my pants
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
