Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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