the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
