so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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