if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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