What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
