I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
