so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize