her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
