I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
