Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
