the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
