never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
