hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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