turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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