Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
What a fucking waste of an outfit
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
