girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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