Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
