I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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