Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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