im having a threesome with these popsicles
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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