lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
