seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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