oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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