So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Blood and glitter go together right?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
