She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize