it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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