someone threw a dead crab at me
my vag is so smooth its legendary
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
