So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
