You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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